I haven't posted on this blog since July. Which certainly isn't to say that my life hasn't been affected by autism since then. I have just had no will to write about it.
It's been a long ass year, and the girls are dealing with it pretty well. We moved on September 6th, and they've dealt with it very well. They don't seem to miss the old place (we'd been there since December 2002 until September 2011). In fact, they seem to really like the new place.
However, I'm not dealing with all of the changes so well. I don't like seeing my kids growing up (as weird as that may sound). I don't like puberty. I don't like the fact that we will have to go to another school next year because the district pretty much told me they have nothing appropriate for the girls past the seventh grade.
I don't like not knowing what the future holds. I've been dealing with the fact that I won't be able to keep and protect the girls forever. If for no other reason than the fact that I will die some day.
But, also because I can't keep a "regular" full time job with them. I can't afford much of anything since the move. I haven't lived on my own since 2002. Within two months of moving I've lost my main source of income. I'm struggling to figure things out at this point, but I have come to the conclusion that I have to be able to make it, so I will.
The girls are for the most part oblivious to my depression at dealing with such things (or so they let on). That is a good thing. I like that they don't have to worry about this part of life.
I've really connected with some other parents of kids with autism (or as I call them, autism parents) online. I met a mom of a newly diagnosed child, and it feels good to be able to help her out with information when I can. Still, it feels like a very lonely and isolated world of autism that the girls and I contend with. Or rather, that I contend with, because most of the time they are pretty happy.
Small Press Storm Warnings: High Hill Press
2 weeks ago